just tell him i said nine months
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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