oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize