Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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