Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
