also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
this will be a night to untag.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
