The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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