Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
