she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
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Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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