Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
