Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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