high people should be assigned attendants
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
so much tequila, so little girl.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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