honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
