I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Randomize
