That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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