Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
