I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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