So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
