we have officially lost it.
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
