I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
you would pick up someone in the library
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
