I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
