HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
