I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
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