the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
