see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
barbara walters just said penis...
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
