my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Randomize
