It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
