You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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