no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
