I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
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