Only a mothe r could love this liver
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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