Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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