Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
