Michael Bay diarrhea
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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