If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
