This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
