If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
