Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
