Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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