Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Randomize
