Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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