her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
