Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
