If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
