Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
