he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
