Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
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