sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
