Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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