She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
a search helicopter?!
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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