I'm lost and stupid without you.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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