It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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