You're earring is so big in my mouth
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
