it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
