Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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