my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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