I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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