So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Randomize
