I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize