My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
