Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
