I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
