$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
