Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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