I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
