So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
