i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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