I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
