what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
