I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
