and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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