you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
