Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
